I don´t think I have ever, in my almost 3 years of clanning, been so frustrated over Clanlord as I am right now. Tired,appalled, and frustrated. And it´s not due to any ingame mechanics, it´s due to a roleplaying corner, partly forced, partly self-inflicted. The main frustration is a CL story that has come to a stop, leaving many characters in CL just hanging there. It´s a story that is over one years old, and that have had a great impact on many Cl characters, been loads of fun, but isn´t driven at all anymore. And it´s that last part that is driving me nuts.
All my roleplaying options are currently tied in to the above story, and yet, since it isn´t driven anymore - and is currently rather dead, I would be rather alone in working on it. It´s almost impossible to gather interest when there is no opposition, no threat, no upcoming danger, no answer from the other side. For my own enjoyment, and to avoid being stuck in a roleplaying void, a specific state of mind for too long, I have also avoided to drive Baba with the afore mentioned story and motive in mind. BUT, when I do that, I break character - and it makes no sense what so ever IC wise, story wise.
It feels like dressing up for a ball that never comes, but still go about your business, doing the laundry, go to the grossery, the dentist - all dressed up in this very fashionable silk dress. It doesn´t make any sense. I like things to make sense. I like stories in CL to have self-consistency and be logical. I like Baba´s actions to make sense. And I like them to have an ending.
Anything I can do to counter it, will basically be a break of character and of the story. I have done that already. Too many times than what I like. But I felt compelled to do it, seeing as if I didn´t, I would be stuck for too long playing the same record over and over again. And now I have to do it again, since I am so frustrated. I am wearing my thinking hat on all day, trying to find ways out of this mess, ways that can be justified IC - and related to Baba´s history, and the Knight´s. My frustration stems from that I actually just loathe to have to do this. I really, really, really hate it.
I would like that the recent year have had an impact on the character I play. If I now cut it, it will not be so dramatic, it will not have the importance that I wanted it to have. And if the story ever gets on track again, Baba will be in a different place, seeing it from a different view.
I don´t know if any of what I write makes sense. It´s hard to vent about it, (and trust me, I need to vent, )but not being able to be more specific.
I don´t want any long complaints in the NG either, so I have just shut my mouth - hoping it would get resolved some time. There is another reason too. The ones who made this story deserves some credit for making it come true, deserve some credit for trying, for making it in the first place. I loathe having to tell them - it doesn´t work, it´s no good, in fear they will not try another time. Ah well.
aa puts on her thinking cap again
Hee! What do you know... No sooner than I had written this, I fall down in a heap in front of a Quiller and tell the sad tale, pleading for help in getting unstuck, and voila - he presents an idea. Tiny, simple solution. And it´s so clever it will look as if it´s preplanned from the start. It fits very well in with what others have done. Yay for the Quillers!